[originally posted June 7 2011, 6:44 AM]
It took me a long time to learn this lesson.
I used to think that asking for help was about me. That I didn't know enough, or couldn't handle it, or didn't know which way to turn. By NOT asking for help, I was somehow exhibiting my competence or confidence.
Yesterday, I was reminded that asking for help is letting others in, or in on it.
During the last few minutes of a meeting yesterday, I got a call that my mother had just died. "Now what?" I asked myself. I found an open office. Alone, I sobbed. Then I was flooded with uncertainty about what to do next. Go to clinic to see patients all afternoon? I called my wife, Sandy. We were both flummoxed.
Ask for help? But where?
Earlier, one of our managers had offered to help. Social nicety or sincere? I was about to find out. Gina gave me wise, caring advice. Cancel clinic. She took a load off by immediately placing a call to set that in motion. I was off the hook, and felt considerably clearer and lighter. And touched by the sorrow visible in her face.
Back to the meeting room to pick up my laptop. I announced to the group that my mother had died, and that I would be gone the rest of the week. I saw in their faces that the sadness was shared. "I'll let the gang know you won't be at tomorrow's workshop." Me: "Would you? That would be a big help."
So, asking for help is about the connection. Letting someone in.
But asking for directions? I'm not so sure. A man has to draw the line somewhere.