[originally posted June 19 2011, 5:40 AM]
My father has early dementia.
The glass seems half-empty.
A couple years ago, he willingly agreed to no longer drive in St. Louis urban traffic to visit my sister. Instead, her family brings him there.
Now that we are aware of his dementia, the risks and the losses seem more apparent. Is it safe for him to drive? How about on the interstate? What about at night? Or in bad weather? Or if he feels sick? The answers aren't so apparent.
I've watched dad drive. I've actually videotaped him driving, both to the local bank and to the McDonald's restaurant 6 miles away in Altamont. He did OK. I get nervous thinking about him driving on the interstate, or needing to navigate through less familiar distant neighborhoods.
This is one area where he gets defensive and resists our caring interventions. I've been framing it in ethical terms: "his autonomy is threatened". This week, we learned from the caregiver team that it's also more emotional. "I feel less like a man when the women (caregivers) drive me around and I'm not allowed to drive". So losing the freedom to drive is a powerful loss of autonomy, of independence, and of manhood.
Maybe I'm wrong.
I've been thinking he's not safe to drive because so much is missing. But the glass is also half-full.
He has decades of experience and learned, automatic driving skills. He's familiar with the areas where he would drive. He has always been a cautious and non-agressive driver. He is a complex person with feelings, and a lot of wisdom. He has developed a lot of successful coping skills as he realizes his accummulating limitiations. I should mention that I, too, have begun coping with my limitations: I now wear glasses, can't turn my neck as far when backing the car, and can't sit on the floor cross-legged.
He has to take the driving test next month. I guess we'll see how he does.
Whether he passes or not, the glass already looks more full to me.