[originally posted June 11 2011, 3:40 AM]

My mom wasn't Catholic or Jewish, so the guilt titer in the house was always low.

I got the sense that she didn't carry much guilt, and I was always pretty straight-laced and well-behaved (more about Brad and Lori later).

Forgiveness

I have this memory of "the look". It's sort of an all-purpose warning facial expression that conveys "I suspect you are going to do something of which I would not approve". My mom used it strategically and successfully. I suspect it was a better deterrent than specific prohibitions, which teenagers are craftily legalistic at obeying in specific, but defying in intention.

On the other hand, I can think of a number of transgressions that were granted forgiveness. For instance, when the little red lights come on in your car as you are driving, you should stop and attend to the warnings (i.e. "the look"). Otherwise, you (i.e. your parents) could pay $500 in 1969 dollars to replace your burned up engine.

Mercy

If forgiveness is wiping the slate clean, then mercy is getting a hug afterward.

My mother wasn't very demonstrative, and used the words "I love you" sparingly. I didn't feel any love was missing however. Her steadfast presence and availability, her dependability, and her attention to detail for all our needs was the non-verbal proof of her love. As we both got older, the words were spoken far more often, or I listened better.

Grace

Grace is what happens before you deserve it. To be specific, it's the good stuff you are given. Undeserved unconditional love.

I had heard the word "grace" for many years as a quaint old religious term. Then sometime in middle age, a friend showed it to me when I wasn't expecting it. That's when I really understood grace.

But I had been living in an atmosphere of grace my whole life, and didn't recognize it as something discrete. It was like a fish not recognizing the water he was swimming in.

Grace is like the verdict coming before the trial.

Not guilty.